Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
Wednesday, March 28, 2007

ANOTHER SIGN OF NAIVETIVITY OR IS IT FOR REAL

ITS JUST LIKE EVERY TO ALL FEARS COME TO A TERM WHERE I FEEL EVER HOLLOW BY THE MOMENTS YOU LEAVE ME HERE HANGING THINKING IF THOSE YOU SAID WERE TRUE OR WERE THEY JUST A WORDS OF HOAX TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF...
BUT ALL I FEEL RIGHT NOW IS EVER INLOVE OF THE FACT OF BEING WITH YOU BUT THEN AGAIN I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME AS THE WAY YOU'RE DOING ME KEEPS ME WONDERING IF ITS A TURN AWAY SIGN I SHOULD TAKE OR GO AGAINST...BUT THEN AGAIN OUR LOVE SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO HOLD US TOGETHER NO MATTER HOW FAR WE ARE
BRIAVEN3282007

please believe me again at 7:23 PM

Y
Wednesday, January 17, 2007

SCREAMS OF YOUR NAMES WHISPERS IN ME...IT KILLS ME TO LOVE BUT NOTHING CAN STOP ME FROM LOVING JOSIAH!

crying beneath the tree we kissed under and the melodic sounds of melancholy whispersin my ear as if i was to die a moment later...but nothing ever mattered cuz you wouldnt care anyways.....i never knew love till i open my eyes to you...i never knew sacrifice till i left my life just to be with you.....so when will you love me back?!!..
SCREAMS OF YOUR NAMES WHISPERS IN ME...IT KILLS ME TO LOVE BUT NOTHING CAN STOP ME FROM LOVING JOSIAH!
KISSING YOU MAKES MY HEART THUMP LIKE THE DRUMS POUNDING AND I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH I EVER AND WILL EVER LOVE YOU.....

please believe me again at 6:10 PM

Y
Sunday, December 17, 2006

DEDICATIONS TO MICHAEL BOZIDAR ANDERSON

for all the reasons in the world, why leave me now...when all was about to get right...unsheltered and unready...my heart shattered into bits to one true calling....ALONE FOREVER...
i made my choice to go through what felt so impossible and when i thought dreams do come true,it never does...all it is, is a big illusion before my ever eyes and poof, its gone...well, what is left of me now....!!! tell me whats left of me...
you want me to leave with the broken heart i thought you could mend...fine...then it shall be done according to youre will...hope it satisfies youre desires....
slap me now!! wake me up before i start slipping in...but wait...its too late...im already there...somewhere i thought i could never be at again...lonesome regrets of life ever lasting....
THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL GREAT FOR JUST A MOMENT...

please believe me again at 7:42 PM

Y
Thursday, November 23, 2006

spanish lyrics

Spanska texten!Ven aquí, quedateYa tus frases no me convencenDime que quieres oírAcepto que no puedes volverMe tocas y reclamas ser otra personaPero no soy tontaTu juego se termina aquíAcepto que no puedes volverDejame volarEl tiempo lo dirá, si conmigo volverásY debes de escucharLo nuestro se acabó y sabes que[CHORUS]:Ya está, un poco tardeNo pienses en míDe ti me olvidéY aunque tus sueños viven en míAcepto que no puedes volverDices que sueñas estar cara a cara otra vezEs un juego, lo séEs verdad, me cuesta la realidadAcepto que no puedes volverYeah yeah...Yo me entregué, muy joven lo séTe di mi todo pero no pudiste aprovecharNo hables más y marchateAcepto que no puedes volverNo mires hacia atrásLo que sucedió en el pasado se quedóNo te soporto másMe tienes que entender y sabes que[CHORUS]:Ya está, un poco tardeNo pienses en míDe ti me olvidéY aunque tus sueños viven en míAcepto que no puedes volverDices que sueñas estar cara a cara otra vezEs un juego, lo séEs verdad, me cuesta la realidadAcepto que no puedes volverPuedo amarMi vida entregar, babyTu sabes que me lo merezco (merezco eso y mucho más)Soy muy débil lo séMe haces bien pero me haces malEs tiempo de olvidarOoh... acepto que no puedes volver...Yeah![CHORUS]:Ya está, un poco tarde (No puedo más)No pienses en míDe ti me olvidéY aunque tus sueños viven en míAcepto que no puedes volverDices que sueñas estar cara a cara otra vezEs un juego, lo séEs verdad, me cuesta la realidadAcepto que no puedes volver¡Márchate![CHORUS]:Ya está, un poco tardeNo pienses en míDe ti me olvidéY aunque tus sueños viven en míAcepto que no puedes volverDices que sueñas estar cara a cara otra vezEs un juego, lo séEs verdad, me cuesta la realidadAcepto que no puedes volver

please believe me again at 2:33 PM

Y
Monday, October 30, 2006

looking forward to nothingness

since you've been away, i have got nothing to look forward to.. sadness of the grave,silence of the night and the tears from my eyes...clear me from the foggy lies and bring me to life....sobering disasters and terrible hangovers...quadriple pimping and shaddy of our baby...

tell me if the things you tell me and the sweet things you do is also meant for the 200 ladies out there... well, guess what, i lightened your load and saved my heart from extinction...i decided to go my way and leave you charming them to your lies...i dont wanna cry for a wasted man anymore! i thought you were the one that sweep me off my feet and well you did and you just left me there... looking for reason to stay alive aint that easy but i guess i was just the friend you wanted and thats all...i thought it was special... NAIVE ME!!!!!!!!

please believe me again at 10:36 AM

Y
Thursday, October 26, 2006

i gave you the ring for a reason

THE RING I GAVE YOU SIGNIFIES THAT I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU, CARING FOR WHATEVER HIKE YOU HAVE TO OVERCOME, TO LOVE YOU AS A FRIEND AND LOVED IN RETURN,SO THAT IT'LL REMIND YOU OF ME AND HOW WE USED TO BE...
But the tables turned and a slash of lies came bleeding out! sorrow is the life you gave me.BLEED ALMIGHY SORROW VEINS,BLEED!!!!!

please believe me again at 7:29 PM

THE BLACK CHARMER

all thy weak soul vanquish from within and hovered me for thy image splitted itself to halves and unmendable! torture once more for the battle is not yet won and centuries shall pass beyond deeper ends till there shall be the end of US...

Slipping through the edge of sanity to prevail all feelings for thee. Shatered by your lies and mysteries of your all-so-perfect-life .

Pantry of lightless paths, cages of false seductry,buckets of dreary tears, and slashes of wasted blood...sobers by night,cradlers by mourn,strokes of winter breeze upon a slicker slit...

Sheltered from twigs,buried by logs.

You killed my
future yet impossible cause there were no yesterdays to start with.Sadism's the game and fear aint shame,

sorrow's aline and sadism's behind.Sourged by the valley of shame, cursed by the person behind the name.

All caused by the massecre of all lasses

THE DARK CHARMER

please believe me again at 5:37 PM

Y
Tuesday, October 10, 2006

will you still love me [even as a friend]...

...........................
I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT AND I'M STILL GOING THROUGH A LOT OF HURTFUL SITUATIONS.I FElL INLOVE, I FElL OUT OF LOVE, I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER AND I WAS THROUGH BUT THEN I FElL INLOVE AGAIN.NOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I FEEL BUT SOMETHINGS TELLING ME THAT YOU ARE JUST MEANT TO BE A CLOSE FRIEND AND THATS ALL. I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT AFTER ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT I HAVE ALL THE REASON FOR US TO REMAIN JUST FRIENDS.
BUT DAY BY DAY MY HEART GETS RIPPED APART AND IT SEEMS LIKE WE DID NOT EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER. IT'S SUCH A PITY TO SEE US DRIFT APART AND AFTER THE LONG TIME WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER. I GUESS THATS HOW ITS SUPPOSE TO BE. YOU CALL ME YOUR BEST FRIEND BUT THIS IS HOW YOU RESPOND TO THE CHANGES OF OUR LIVES AS WE GROW APART. I FEEL AALONE AND HURT CAUSE IT FEELS LIKE I'M THE ONLY ONE HANGING ON TO KEEP THIS FRIENDSHIP ALIVE.

I WONDER IF I GOT INTO AN ACCIDENT, WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME AS I AM? IF WE LOST CONTACT, WILL YOU STILL REMEMBER ME?

YOU SAY YOU WILL, BUT WILL YOU DO IT? CAUSE NOW WHEN I'M STILL HERE, WAITING FOR YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU LEFT ME HERE, ALL ALONE WHEN YOU PROMISED ME THAT WE WILL HAVE A GREAT LIFE TOGETHER AS BEST FRIENDS.

HOW COULD YOU GO, HOW COULD YOU SAY GOODBYE, IT HURTS INSIDE CAUSE BY NOW, STILL CAN'T FIND THE REASON WHY LOVE CAN'T LIE...

YOU SNOBBED ME WHEN YOU'RE WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND LEAVE ME IN THE BACKGROUND. WHERE I FOLLOWED EVER SO ALONE AND I HAD NO CHOICE TO SHUT UP AND FOLLOW. I CANT BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL DO THIS TO ME AFTER THE GOOD TIMES THAT WE SHARED.

I GUESS IT'S EASY TO CONCLUDE THAT YOU ARE ONLY A FRIEND OF GOOD TIMES AND YOU TURN AWAY WHEN I NEED YOU MOST. let these tears fall till ther's none left from where they belong...

I'M SO NAIVE WHEN IT COMES TO THIS AND IT HAPPEND A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE AND I'M BACK WHERE I STARTED. THIS IS JUST WHAT I NEED, THE GIRL IS SEE AND LAUGH AT FOR BEING A LONER IN THE MIRROR IS ME...
...........................

please believe me again at 5:01 PM

Y
Thursday, October 05, 2006

give me a reason to cry!!

WHY IS IT WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE, THEY END UP BREAKING YOUR HEART AND IT HURTS SO MUCH, YOU FEEL LIKE A DAGGER JUST PLUNGED INTO YOUR HEART...BUT NOTHING COULD EVER STOP THE FEELING AND NOTHING CAN EVER PREVENT IT FROM HAPPENING...
JUST AS YOU THOUGHT THAT PERSON WAS SO CLOSE, YOU WERE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO IT! THERE'S NO SPECIFIC EXPLANATION TO IT...BUT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT ITS REALLY REALLY PAINFUL!!!
DROWN YOURSELF IN MY TEARS OF SADNESS,BLOOD THAT SPILLED WHEN I THOUGHT THAT SLITTING MY WRIST WAS A DREAM AND MY BLOOD VESSELS HOLLOWED TO DRY! DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND ME!!? OR WILL THEY CONTINUE TO TORMENT ME TILL THE DAY I GO 6 FEET UNDER!!!

YOU'D MIGHT AS WELL LIE TO ME SAYING " I LOVE YOU" ,USE A SWORD AND PIERCE IT THROUGH MY HEART THAN GO PRETENDING THAT I WAS SOMEONE SPECIAL TO YOU AND THEN YOU GO AND LEAVE ME...I GUESS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAT WAY!?
BUT WHAT DO I KNOW, THOSE OTHERS ARE WAITING AND BEATS ME WITH THEIR PERFECTIONS AND ALL,BUT ALL IVE GOT IS SIMPLICITY,AND I GUESS THAT JUST AINT ENOUGH...BUT WHY LIE WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO SAY IT TO MY FACE!!!???

LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!? YOU LEFT ME HERE,ALL ALONE,THINKING OF SUICIDAL ISSUES THAT IVE GOT! GEEEZ!!! STOP BEING SHADY WITH ME!! I HAD ENOUGH OF LIES AND SADNESS!!! MY LIFE IS DROWNING IN MISTAKES!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

''kill me with a kiss and save me with a slap! you'll never call me when you're sober!''

please believe me again at 5:02 PM

Y
Monday, October 02, 2006

my description

okay...this is my most-out-of-point-topic.this does not connect to my blog...

well, im gonna describe the people that made my world ever so crazy yet making the world a better place..well here it goes
P.S. does'nt mean im emo means i cant be random and i do have friends!!!

il start with the people i hang out with OUTSIDE of school!!!
1.KENRICK---A really fun guy who's really really crazy...he can be rough at times but hes a really great person to be around...hes kinda 'mean' in a good way...whatever that means...
2.KENNARD---Kenrick's twin brother...hmmm another one of those gentleman kinda guy...well generally hes kind and yea!!! like kenrick, woman's man!!!
3.TIMOTHY---A retarted crazy horny guy thats soo noisy...damn that guy!!!...but hes kinda fun to be with at times...[if you have the patience]
4.matthew---A rich ass kid that moved in a year ago...some self-absorbed and egoist attitude...PUNK ASS!
5.REYNARD---well,he has'nt been out lately and so...yea,i'll get back to you on that...
6.ALL THE REST THAT MADE THE CONDO A BETTET PLACE!!! THANK YOU
====================================================================

people in my school...

1.ANGELA---A FRIENDLY,SHY FUNNY RANDOM BLAH BLAH BLAH KINDA PERSON!!! WHOOO HOOOO!!!
-INVENTIONS; ZACHARY PACHARY,PLEASANT PEASANT,SEANY WAUNY,AARON BARON,JUSTIN BUSTIN,KEITHY WEITHY,YMEREJ,WERDNA,NITSUJ,HOTSHOTS AND ADORABLEATORS,"SEAN'' OF SKATE PARK,PUSH THE BUTTON-SUGAR GIRLS-SAME 3LYRICS FORVER,PAKKY TI PAK,'MIGUEL-A,PAUL-A,CAVE MAN(OLIVIA)[CHOIR]...

2.ARIN---LET SEE...SHES A FUNNY GIRL WHOM I KNEW WHEN BOTH OF US WERE
LOOKING FOR THE RECYCLING BIN...HMMM WE KINDA GO EVERYWHERE TOGETHER...WE'RE REALLY CLOSE...CUZ WE ARE LIKE ALWAYS STUCK TOGETHER...
-INVENTIONS;MOH MENT,NAGETTT,FELICIA BOOBLESS,HAPPY HIPPIE HIPPIE HAPPY HIPPOPOTAMUS!...INTERNATIONAL NAVELS DAY WHERE WE PIERCE OR SELF TATOO OUR NAVELS HAHAHA!!

3.CHERYL---A RETARTED NETBALL CRAZY GIRL WHO GOES RANDOM THE MOST NUMBER OF TIMES...

4.NATALIE--- A WEIRD PERSON AND WE ALWAYS TELL JOKES ABOUT ANGELA WHICH IS LAME BUT FUNNY...BLAH BLAH
-INVENTION; WHEN YOU PASS MOTION,YOU MUST PUT LOTION...PRESS YOUR PEEP AND SHOUT MOPEEP HAHA!!!

5.KLARYSSA---HMMM...THE MOST RANDOM,BUSHIEST,WEIRDEST,LOUDEST,NOSIEST,
MOST RETARTED THING IF EVER MET!...THE CLIQUE CLOWN...
-INVENTIONS;HAPPY HIPPIE HIPPIE HAPPY HIPPOPOTAMUS,'WHOA,DID I JUST SEE TWO PERSIAN CATS ON YOUR ASS',"NEXT TIME YOU STEP INTO MY CLASS USE A BRA!'',HEY ARE'NT YOU A BOY?"HAHAHAH!!!! IVE GOT AA LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS.....HAHAHA!!! MELISSA=ANOREXIC LOOKING,DRUGS TAKING,POOP SNIFFING STICK LADY...MARK SHOWING THE GAY FACE...'GIRL.GIRL,COME COME'!!...
ghaaa !! TRIMMED EYE BROWS BAHHAA!!

6.FELICIA...AHHH...A REALLY CRAZY GIRL WHO THINKS THAT HER JOKES ARE FUNNY WHEN THEY ARE NOT EVEN FUNNY AT ALL...BUT SHE FUN TO BE WITH!!!

7.MY DEAREST FRIEND,OLIVIA---THE SPASMATIC,12O'CLOCK CRAZY GIRL WHO LOVES DANCING ALOT!!! WHOOO HOOO!!!

8.ALL THE FUNKY PEOPLE THAT MADE MY YEAR BETTER!!!

please believe me again at 4:01 PM

Y
Sunday, October 01, 2006

get this right!!!

okay! its time to surface the obvious and shelter all lies to darkness!!! thetruth will prevail!! okay il get to the point! behold the person that everyone is dying to know- Albert...
Damn all you lasses who hasnt got no asses! leave this baby alone and always remember BRIGITTE ANNE ALBERT's the name!!! you dig!?! leave him alone or il slice you to bits!!! shoooo all you seductress!!! the baby's mine!!! aint no other man is suppose to be for me other than him!!! get away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! leave us alone in our dreamy athmospere!!!! kill me if you must, for i shall protect thy man, till death rips us apart!!!!!!!

please believe me again at 10:44 PM

Y
Tuesday, September 26, 2006

life as a teenage "mother''

In movies,there is always alot of teenage pregnancies,they keep it,send it out for adoption or even abortion, everybody would just open there mouths to critisize or say something harsh like "you did it you deserve it! get out of the problem yourself!!! ". but nobody ever seen it like a sacrifice. The mother has to sacrifice soo much for the baby and so much is going through their mind... im not really sure about what really happens but i think i have something near to the experience...

i was 12 when my mom conceived a baby in her.many things went to mind during the first few months...everything was so great till the horrifying death of my grandfather...i wasnt prepared for this,it just wasnt fair for joshua cuz he was 1 month away to being born and grandpa died... my whole feelings wreched as if someone wached them away from me...so we went back to philippines right after my exams.i met up with my relatives that i havent seen for the longest time...

a month later, mom gave birth to JOSHUA. my parents said he pretty much looks like me...its was rather sad that i have to leave the next day after they were released from the hospital.my mother said that she thought of me when she was in labour.she thought of me struggling like her when some day im married.then it came to my mind how hard would it be for teen mothers or single parents handle this?!

after a few months since they return to singapore,my grandma had to go back to philippines and no one was left to take care of him. hmmm...my mother's friend decided that she could take care of the baby.but the baby has to stay in her house.... i was so devastated it felt like giving him away for adoption.then i thought again.thinking about single teen mothers who has giving there baby for adoption...it was so sad to see him go! i couldnt help but cry. now i feel so alone,having the scent of his colongne on my hands remained from the last moment i held him in my arms...

please believe me again at 9:02 PM

Y
Monday, September 18, 2006

a sign of depression?

Okay,its been a long time since ive been into the jittery zone, now my body freezes up breathing for air every moment i can,breaking down in the urge to carry on...HAVING TESTOPHOBIA,PHOBOPHOBIA,coulrophobia,FRANCOPHOBIA,phasmophobia and who what else...anyways life as been Dead without you...i mean il give you anything if you would just answer the calling!!! dammit! why is love so hard to find???...Do i have to continue a life of my own without anyone by my side... well i dont know but im falling into pieces and i cant get the filthy things out of my mind...il get emo and just shoot myself!

please believe me again at 6:58 PM

Y
Friday, September 15, 2006

I honestly think...

As days go by,im starting to lose my grip and think that i will never get to the point where i want to be; with you... Sometimes i feel so good being with you that i forget that im heavily broken... It seems so perfect all the time...but All there is are flaws covered in bitter-sweet laughters and happiness... And some of the time i just cant help turning green with envy that i turned to aggressive to function my usuall self and it not only hurt me but it affects the rest of what surrounds me... Maybe happiness just isnt my ending cause i believe that those who made it did something right and all i had was a whole line of mistakes.Im not rich neither am i pretty... But at times i tell myself, its not fair to lie to myself about what i really feel about you and escaping the fact that im not compatible with you but i have to tell you cuz it aint right,after 4 years that ive waited and a girl just 3/4 years you've been with got you in her arms...it aint fair...so ive decide that im not gonna try to impress you anymore cuz im tired of waiting for nothing! But im still hanging on for the sake of my heart ever so tormented with everything you say and yet most of it is a lie...I was so stupid o think you felt the same but you will never love me the way i do...

please believe me again at 9:34 PM

Y
Friday, September 08, 2006

my obssesion for PAULY TWOHILL!!!!<3

Damn it!...pauly twohill was voted out!...but i guess its better though,so that he does'nt get so pressurized but there would'nt be anymore cool entertainment in S.I...oh man!i love pauly twohill!...paul is the friendliest guy in the world...at first i was'nt so into this thing about paul and all...till i met him...and im like so addicted to it...i admit!... IM ADDICTED TO PAULY CHRISTOPHER SHERWOOD TWOHILL!!! Damn im sooo addicted to him that i seriously need his digits!...WHAAAA!!!!pauly asi caliente!...mucho gusto!...TWOHILL TWOHILL TWOHILL!!!!! WHOOOOOOO!!!!! PAUL=SUAVE!!!! AHHHHH oh please!...get me hes DIGITS!!!even just the last 4 numbers!WHAAAAAA!!!!! paul is hot!!! WHHHOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!! ! LOVE PAUL TWOHILL!!!! I LOVE PAULY!!!! hes soooo cute!WHAAA....AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!PAUL IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO cool!...id say il donate my camera if you donate me your digits!...YEA!!!!!!! PAULY TWOHILL!!!!

please believe me again at 2:34 PM

Y
Thursday, September 07, 2006

A perfect reason for dilemma

We were once the gratest friends in the whole world.We were so close that i wanted us to be more than just friends.But in the same time,i wanted to hate you cause every time i see you,a piece of me tatters away.i could never learn to react to my feelings.it rips me apart to see you suffer yet i laugh a laughter of sadism.But deep in side i wanna return to you .You never knew how much i feel for you.its an equal amount of love and hate.You said"you are the best person i have ever met" but im sure its a lie,a broken promise, a miss i bet!i can never trust you when it comes to this cuz now you realise it; when im gone, well, you cant get me back after what you did to me...hurting me,treating me like dirt!?make me! maybe you are right

I AM JUST THE TEENAGE DIRTBAG!

please believe me again at 6:57 PM

invisible

is it just me,or have i been invisible for any human to see?...wh does this happan!...im so tired,things are falling apart!...what did i do to deserve this..its getting harder and harder each day and this is the begging to my thoughts of the last resort-death...
this past few days isnt any day that made me feel so good and i felt all the worlds trembling upon thy feet...i cant take it anymore...

it never occured to me that ive got issues...its only lately that i knew that i suffered from one is when i stared,somehow liking gore-ish,emo-ish and depressing love lines and images...AHHH!....save me from myself!...its unbearable!

please believe me again at 6:43 PM

Y
Wednesday, September 06, 2006

is this all ive got?

it has been a really tiring day,i was hoping you were missing me but,NOOO!...you did'nt even say hi!...whats with that?
Damn im pissed!...i have a life you know!ive been waiting all day and all you did was give 1 syllable answer!...you were'nt the guy i first knew!well i deserve more than that after all we've been through!...damn you!...suite yourself!...i aint gonna talk to you when you return and dont give me some gibberish excuse...about me ignoring you...you a pimple on the stars above!...what did i do to you??what?huh?huh?
i cant believe this,dude...really!...

please believe me again at 7:13 PM

Y
Tuesday, September 05, 2006

get it right

im done with this...i cant be always lying to myself thinking that you love me too...whats wrong with me...will you tell me? Cuz im blind enough after seeking things that were'nt really there...i thought i had it all together then you dissappointed me...i thought you would be missing me after the period we have'nt seen each other but i was so wrong!...man, once again ive been fooled!...im so naive!... im not willing to suffer anymore for something that isnt really there and id be chasing it,wasting me time for nothing...i thought it would change the way we were for the better,but this is really tearing me apart.Apart from me missing you so much,you'd actually just leave me here waiting?...i have a life you know...better,im a woman...and i need a better way of treatment...i dont deserve this...and maybe i dont deserve you either...maybe you belong to some rich,prada-wearing,harvard enrolled sized 2 lass that wears 7 inch gucci high heels...or some girl with a ravishing body,airhead model from some well known magazine...well im not one of them...im simple,fat,sentimental and emotional...i dun plan of getting to harvard cuz im too poor,i dont wish to wear 9 inch christian dior heels and i will never be rich...thats what i am... i dont think i am what your parents want,your friends will find you blind for dating me...well i dont wish to bring you into my horrid life...it isnt that easy being me...so il give you a hint...go run off with some rich bitch and be better off...cuz if thats what you expect,i cant be it...im not changing for you...

please believe me again at 9:19 PM

Y
Monday, September 04, 2006

a blood boiling,heart wretching,tears falling sensation

i dont know what i am feeling right now but i guess talking to you through the net isnt anything better...i have been said to be very emo at times but this isnt one of it i guess...but i guess the reason to this is is that...love never truely existed...at first they walk on by like its gonna be forever and the next thing it gone and stabs you in the heart...how much does it really hurts isnt a thing about it cuz in the end,your heart is just a pound if feeling that is hoping to get mended again..for some,it just dies away, leaving a pathetic scar that never will mend...you feel that half of you just ripped apart and of no promise you will get it back...some people do get lucky but others die half hearted...as for me,i guess its too far to prophesise but i think that i will have a really bitter sweet ending to this as my heart just got ripped to day-and yes,AGAIN...yesteryears once more...for i thought that the guy i love was real... now,i dont even know if he trully exist...i mean he's alive and all but im not that sure that he has a real beating heart...i thought i saw a real lad but all i saw was a net that trapped me till today upon discovering the truth that all of this lads are robots...they were sent to break hearts and break more hearts...the creator was smart i have to edmit...cuz there is, i mean,all lasses are asses enough to believe in this saying called love...but i shall not get striked by cupids arrow till the day i lay in the peak of doom

please believe me again at 2:30 PM

Monday 3rd day

man...going through today isnt gonna be different than any days i had without you...im just recovering from the excitement that i had yesterday when i met PAUL TWOHILL!...whooohooo...man i know you dont really like him but i do and thats just the way it is..well its really boring well its the holidays,what did you expect!

please believe me again at 11:16 AM

Y
Sunday, September 03, 2006

SUNDAY the 2nd day

its been two days since i was alone...and in the midst of all dreary moments, as i always say,every cloud has a silver linning, i got myself a photo withpaul,hady and jon! man the experience was soo cool!...i also have their autograph...! i owe my brother to a bet that he didnt see paul but 11 dollar's worth to get some shake hands from paul,jon and hady! yay! but i soo hoped u were there with me! yay me! i love paul! but of coourse i love you more!
(and if you are thinking if this was the photo,its not...i havent got a chance to put it in the computer)

please believe me again at 5:37 PM

Y
Saturday, September 02, 2006

once in a gorey night

Due to the fact that you're gone,i feel kinda emotional rigt now...everything seems to be wrong,im havin a really bad headache and what next...some parts of it makes me feel sadistic to myself in ways i cant explain.Somehow,the weirder side of me arises and its taking over inch by inch...it hurts you know... apart from the fact that you're gone,im missing you so much and it kills me inside!...from every inch of my body...my heart bleeds as i dont know whats happening over there and it has happened before that we ignored each other and i feel ever so awkward...i dont want us to end up wasted...crawling for love crying for peace and dying for sanity...it would be a great pity if we die in a much tragic death then romeo+juliette...well i have yet to come to the heavy state of depression and the aftermath of this which comes on dreary...
and i hope never thy this dreadful thing happen...A painful time for me to accept but yes,thy lad has to leave thy position for a better life in a foreign land in which the sun always sets fourth...and as for me,thy love shall be broken,shattered to the ends of all odds,never shall i believe in this saying;its better to be loved and move on then to not be loved at all...this quote is written for those ever so naive to believe in heartaches and lies which could actually be avoided...but we young lasses and lads choose to fall inlove knowing that they will leave us some day and thy story repeats itself...

please believe me again at 6:07 PM

saturday-the firstday

okay,ive past day one without you...but how?the week to come aint gonna be special nor interestingly fun without you!...when you are around,everything seems to be okay and i forget all my trouble but what happens when youre gone? im left with some issue my mind cant distore and i need you here,by my side...id always prefer us to stay where we belong and nothing mattered...but it all comes to this!...when some bitch told the whole world my love for you,the others took us away from each other and there was nothing we could do but cry and cry...time stayed still from where we last left off,im standing here looking at you.but some how you cant see me...or do you but not recognise me at all...this will happen if i never make my first moves...you may go and leave me, and i may never find you again...how terrible will my life be!...as i said, its only a matter of time and place and everything will be clear for all to see-the future stands too ague for me too see through but what ever happens i choose for you to know cuz i believe in making and taking chances...who knows that we may die tomorrow and we had not got the chance to say what we feel...then how would i know if we really had the chance of being it...

another option i feel is that why the hell should people bother enough making this an issue.../i mean everybody falls in love everyday and im sure you did too.so why bother me about being overly inlove with a guy you dont know...it aint fair you know...life for me is nothing but bitter-sweet experience and i really need something to look forward to..so give me the chance to live and i 'll give you your space...it aint that weird falling inlove...and maybe this happens cuz im able to fall inlove openly while you keep it in,in your puny little chest...needless to say at times you are a heartless bitch...

please believe me again at 3:03 PM

Y
Friday, September 01, 2006

my feelings for you

i really cant stand a day without you!...all ive got here with me is the suffocating 6 bearier surrounding me, the disturbing silence, the memories you left me...when we had fun laughing joking around...and the puppy fights we have!...there's nothing deny when the feeling had taken over you all in all...its controlling your every move...especially when i see you smile...but the thing is that i dont know if feel what i feel...i think that you do yet i doubt...but all that i can think of,right now is how do i make it known to you ...how much more do i have to be obvious?...cuz im havin the tinglin sensation to make the first move...but im scare that it'll just scare you away...we've been through so much really...the little things that turns me on...oh man...aint no other lad to give me this feelings!...i hate to have a series of deja vu but if it has "you" written all over it,id give anything for it to happen...id fight the bitch that afters you!...wait...you said that you will only like a girl that no one likes and you said that a guy that use to like me still does...does that mean i dont stand a chance..?... please dont give me away!...i really wanna be with you!...id give anything!...except my family and my faith but i know that we share the same faith and you aint got no issue with my family so what the heck?...i get really turned on when i touch each other...and when nothing limits us from having our hangover laughters...cuz loving you is more than a dream come true,no one else can make me feel the colours that you bring....and everyday of my life is filled with loving you...stay with me while we grow old and we will live each day in spring time!...id be lost without you...and somehow it becomes stronger everytime i see you...you give me the atmost respect,the attention i need and i never i felt neglectd...i miss you like crazy...its just a matter of time and place that one day you will know my love for you and how down will i be when youre not around...and im hoping that you felt the same way...cause i always love it when a girl ends up with her bestfriend...<3

please believe me again at 7:50 PM

my explanation to this feeling

why must he leave?...of all things in the world i felt lonely for is he leavin!...i have to much smiles,laughter and happines with him!..this aint fair...
i know that he might love another lass,and he does'nt know about my feelings for him but i cant help it but enjoy the moments while i can...when we grow up,and im still alone,he'll be with another lass and il just regret the days i left him and not enjoy the friendshp...

Now that he's gone,what am i gonna do?i will miss him soo much id cry for the days for him t come back!...argh!...i just cant control the feelings of this...i think its love yet im not sure...i always love it that some movies,the girl that desperately looking for that one and only lad and actually ends up with her bestfriend...<3
when will something great and unexpectedly happen?

please believe me again at 4:52 PM

Y
Thursday, August 31, 2006

life

i dont know what i heard about today but its kinda fake and all but what the heck.he said that you still like me but im not sure cuz i love him.and i cant say i have no feelings for you either and that led me into the concusion that ive been through so much about this and yet im here at the same spot i began...im all a mess and all thats in my mind is a huge pile of dilemma!it aint my fault that he made me feel so good most of the time and i dont blame you for your charms...its hard being to be stuck like this...emotionally i feel hurt cuz i wouldnt do anything cuz im scared to make the wrong approach to this issue and trust me it aint easy...i think he does like me too but i kinda doubt it too...so,i guess this is where my life stays still..a series of a black-hole-forming dilemma!...its sad to say im turn on by the both of you...but honestly speaking..i love him more than you,due to the fact that he treats me respectively and i feel respected as a woman of faith in future well being of music and whatever is that i believe...but you mis treated me, you broke my heart and worst-your self absorbed and self-centered...i now declare im through with you!The pros and cons sure have said the stuff i wanna know and surely i have falle to deep for him...sorry

please believe me again at 10:09 PM

joakim gomez

i have to say that i REALLY look up to joakim gomez for having the faith to go through the critisisms and singapore idol..i mean hello singapore is mean enough to put joakim through the next round then you go around the whole world that he's lousy and shit...im not saying that he's the best but thats "sadistic"!...oh puh-leeze!...like you dint know!?!...i mean you have commented that he sucked for sure but can you do any better?!...
i know realise that i was looking for the singapore idol but what i dint realise that ie already found him!JOAKIM GOMEZ!!!!
singapore stars should follow the way joakim handled his way to his dreams and fame...not like commit suicide or quiting!...joakim, if you're reading this,I SALUTE YOU!

please believe me again at 9:24 PM

Y
Saturday, August 19, 2006

trust me

i swear that i should never care again...cuz, doing that was'nt any better...tim if you're reading this...its time for you to see hoe i really feel about you smoking...man,how can you do this?!after 3 years dont tell me you haven't realised that i was that kind of person that cares!? You were the one that said that friends are more to you than family...then why on earth would'nt you care about me getting mad over this issue?...I really dont know whats going on with you man...you've never been this way...But losing a friend to addiction of smoking isnt worth...and either of you dying from lung cancer...well,its up to to decide...friends+life or smoking + sufferings?...its time for you to choose...cuz i know i care,kenrick and kennard might care too...but matthew might not but there is more people who cares about you then you think...i dont care if slap me or whack me like you did to nicholas if thats what it takes to save your life...

please believe me again at 8:12 AM

Y
Thursday, August 17, 2006

Could this be right?

okay..as i get a head start with this post, i wanna dedicate this to the proble that had been a problem for a really long time...After a really really swift relationship,i had trouble getting over the things we do...Man, to start with i dont even get why is it that way...now that i thought i had gotten over you, it drifts me way back tat i had split thoughts of you and THE OTHER.as i recall,i thought i wanted you so bad, i would have brain blocks due to getting to emotional...Daamn...But as times goes by,im trying to convince myself to stop dreaming as i will NEVER have you for myself and all i can have you as is a friend...but i cant assure you that i wont fall for you...trust me...this is just the beginning of the series and you can and will have so much more!...MAYBE il forget but dont count on it...yup...you heard me...

DONT tell to get rid of the emo-ness cuz i blame you for it...yet i cant be without you...

please believe me again at 5:35 PM